A day early.

My birthday started a day early (yesterday) at about 7:30 in the morning when four students came up to me with a cake in hand. They had spelled "Mrs Riks" on top with m&m's. I almost cried. These students come from my worst class. In fact my first comment to them was, "But I am always yelling at you". I hugged all 4 and saved the cake for 6th/7th period (when they come in). I had planned a game for the day so giving them cake worked out. Except when they started the frosting war. *Sigh* I yelled at them again. (If we have a party at the end of the year there will be nothing that has frosting!)

Anyway, while we were eating cake and playing a game (the students where playing a math board game). One of my co-worker and friend popped in and threw in a bunch of helium balloons that said Happy Birthday on them. Then another teacher popped her head in and told me to open my pod door and with her door open, her students sang happy birthday to me and then my students joined in. It was funny and sweet.

And to top it off, the students talked me into showing that I could still do a cartwheel. So when the final bell rang, I went out on the lawn. My students where telling everyone I was going to do a cartwheel and many stayed to see this strange phenomenon. Before I did this strange and daring feat one of my students brought out a piece of cake and smashed it into a girls face. *Sigh, again* Now I have to write a referral, darn it! But just so you know I did the cartwheel and I believe I would have gotten a 8.5 for technique and a 9.0 for daring.

So now to see what today brings.

My Other Identity

I used to joke about have two people living inside of me. One who is incredibly emotional and the other one who says "Get a grip!" Come to find out I wasn't too far off.

You see this identity took over my body and caused all sorts of issues. It seems to be the reason I am always tired, irritable, unable to focus, make decisions and easily overwhelmed. It was the part that became so needy it made ME sick. It is one of the reasons I hold back with friends because I feel that I am too needy. The hardest thing about all of this is that I thought this was something about me that I had to fix. Flaws that I had to overcome and yet never seem to be able too. If things got too stressful, I got worse. If things got better, I worried about things going bad again. I was never really happy. Here is the interesting part. I discovered when I was having a good day, the identity was not in control. I was.

When I am in control, I get things done. I smile a lot. I like to laugh, crack jokes, be silly. I am able to plan ahead. I also found out I can multi-task, something I thought I was incapable of.

So now I take the steps to take back my life and allow me to be in control. I am not sure what to expect but this is my journey of discovery of myself, so we shall see.

A "New" Friend

I met someone yesterday. She is sweet and funny. She likes her little brothers and school. She loves to explore, run, play and catch tadpoles. She was lost but we are in the process of getting to know her again. So we are taking her to the movies. The only question is, do I go to see "Hop" or "Source Code"?

Plan A

I went to a workshop called "Time Out for Women". It was amazing! I laughed, cried and was taught. I find it interesting that the one presentation I thought was the least entertaining ended up being the one that has affected me the most. It stayed with me and now I want to share it here because it is why I am writing this blog. It has led to insight about me, my family and work. Most of all it has reminded me that Heavenly Father knows me and is very much aware of me, where I am at and what my needs are to become the best of who I can be.

I believe the speaker name was Laurel Christensen. She talked of how we have plans, and keep changing them. We start out with plan A and then change the plan over again, going to Plan B, then Plan C and so on. She talked about how she and her roommates sat down and looked at thier plans and she stated, “I discovered I was on plan K" and then went on to say that she was now on plans that had triple letters. We women (over 1700) laughed as we recognized ourselves in what she was saying. She then continued and talked about an experience that changed not only her perspective but mine, and probably others, as well.

She went to Biggest Loser Resort for 2 weeks. There was a particular exercise she had to do where she got on the treadmill and had to run as fast as she could for 5 minutes and rest for 5 minutes and then get on again for 4 minutes and rest for 4 and then again for 3 minutes and so on. She knew she was already in trouble and sure enough 2 minutes into the first 5 minutes she was telling her neighboring treadmill runners that she was going to die and she could not do it. A trainer came up to her and literally yelled at her to keep her going saying (paraphrased) "Don't you be the reason you fail" She survived the first 5 minutes and then rested and started on the 4 minute run. Again after 2 minutes she stated again, "I am going to die" and "I can't do this". The trainer came and again and yelled at her "Don't you be the reason you fail" Somehow she finished and came through the experience realizing that she had made the mistake of quitting because she believed she could NOT do it. She made the comment that she wished she had learned this lesson 10 years earlier, She then added that Heavenly Father was not looking down on her and saying, " Yeah, I was kind of wondering about that myself" in fact He already knew that it would take her this long and had helped her to get this point by the many trials, big and small, that had come into her life so that she could finally understand what she needed to know and one of them was, she had been on plan A along.

So what has that done for me? It has caused me to look at my life and see where I am at.

I remember planning my life and how I was going to go to college, go on a mission, come back finish school, find a husband, have children and so on. But that is not what I did. And due to life "getting in the way" my life has changed in ways I would never had planned, some by my choices and some because of the choice of others. But when we remember where we came from and why we are here, when we keep that at the front of our minds, it changes our perspective. It is when we let "life get in the way" that we lose sight of who we are and why we are really here. We are were we are now because of our choices and the choices of others and Heavenly Father loves us and knows us so perfectly that He knew we would be and He has sent people, opportunities, revelations and so on to help us along the way. Sometimes life does get in the way but He already knows we will let that happen and he has planned for that as well.

I remember reading or hearing a talk about the Israelites and how they could not drink the water because it was so bitter, so they used the branches from a tree to sweeten the water. Remember is was a tree, it takes a long time to grow a tree. Heavenly Father knew they would need it and made sure that it had been planted and grown. We can see ourselves as the Israelites or the tree. He makes sure we have what we need to help us or He will place us were we are needed to help others. I am pretty sure it is both.

A year ago, I made a goal to read all four standard works before my 46th birthday. Well my birthday is a week a way and I can guarantee I won't finish. But that is OK. I am still on a journey but is a journey of self-discovery and change, of becoming who I am meant to be. But here is the cool part. I am still on plan A.